and I wish I could just tell you. And I wish things could just be perfect. And you could give me what I need and you would want to do the things I wanted to do. And I wish my parents loved you and I wish you were cool to hang out with my friends. And I wish you would visit me as much as I visited you. And I wish we could spend the weekends together at my lake house this summer, you never did get a chance to swim there or go on the boat.

And I just grieve all the things I wanted us to have but we never did.

I never gave up that we couldn’t have everything until the end. And sometimes its still hard for me to realize I need to give up even now. If we are ever meant to be together, now is not that time.

But there is no doubt in my mind that I love you. And I understand that getting over you is going to take a long time.

And while I embrace my youth and go out and drink and flirt and get numbers from other guys, I know that they’re not going to give me anything you gave me. Because even though there were things that I wanted and never got, you still gave me so much and I can’t forget that if I tried.

And I’m still in love with you and I’m worried I’ll never not be.

I just wish I could stop crying everytime I start thinking about you.

makes things way more interesting. All in all, I’m excited about who I met tonight. :)

getting over you will be relatively easy. But all it takes is one memory and I’m back to thinking I’ll never find what I had with you ever again.

make cookies, eat those cookies and watch movies.

But it kills me because the last time I did that, I was with you.

The one guy I have had a legitimate “crush” on in years. YEARS. That really goofy schoolgirl crush where I get nervous and can’t act like myself when he’s around. He was the only guy that ever diverted my attention when I was with my boyfriend.

Well I creeped on his Facebook. He has a girlfriend. And she seems….idk weird? Pretty but, personality-wise, not my cup of tea. So I’m second guessing if this boy I know NOTHING about is my soulmate because he chose to date a weird girl.

Sometimes I question my thought processes…but then again, I’m female.

I really hope he doesn’t have a tumblr or Google his name any time soon.